My dreams are always pretty weird.

The last two nights, they’ve been very vivid.

Two nights ago, I dreamt that I was back at the egg donor’s house with her piece of shit racist boyfriend. It was Christmas, but there was no sign of it anywhere. The egg donor asked, “What’s your fucking problem?”

I responded by saying, “I came to visit for Christmas. It would be nice if there was some acknowledgment of the holiday.” But before I could finish my sentence, she was talking over me, to her shithead boyfriend, about something completely unrelated. Pretty par for the course, actually.

Last night I dreamt that I was living on what was basically a commune with about ten other people. We were having a community meeting, and everyone voted for what was dubbed a “forced shared economy.” Everyone agreed that we would share all resources. All of them.

As the meeting was ending, I was pondering what this could mean. I grabbed the attention of one of the other members of the commune and tried to discuss the implications of it with them and get their perspective. I was afraid that it would mean anyone could decide what you were using or even wearing was theirs to use at any time they pleased. “Oh, I like that shirt, take it off and give it to me” someone could say, and because we agreed on a “forced shared economy” you had to give up the shirt off your back right then and there.

While I don’t think dreams are predictive at all, I do believe they are how our brain tries to process things, particularly emotions.

The first dream about the egg donor is pretty straightforward, I think. I know the egg donor doesn’t give a shit about me, and her talking over me and not acknowledging my feelings is basically the story of my life when she was in it. And the fact that I didn’t hear from her on Christmas. No surprise there.

The second dream is a bit of a mystery, but I think it’s my brain trying to process the decision I’ve been trying to make about getting a roommate. I purposely rented a 2 bedroom 2 bathroom apartment so that I have the option of getting a roommate. I can afford to not have a roommate, but I want to have the option just in case money gets tight or if I get too lonely. I’m just not sure if I want to share my home with someone else and have company and be able to pay down my debt faster, or take the time alone to heal and move forward with my life.

Speaking of dreams and sleep, I need to buy a mattress. Since this one has a shitload of awesome reviews on Amazon, I’m going to get this one. Fingers crossed it’s decent!