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My only ‘family’ (if you can call it that) is a narcissistic mother (egg donor) that I haven’t heard from in over a year since I told her I didn’t want to talk to her until she was ready to apologize. (More on that another day.)

Christmas is something the egg donor used to use as a reason to buy my love and have something to hold over my head.

Now, not even a text.

The soon-to-be ex-husband’s family celebrates Hanukkah. Unlike my egg donor, his mother actually loves him and enjoys spending the holidays with him. (Don’t get me wrong, she has a LOT of narcissistic tendencies, but I do believe she loves him.) She does happen to get him pretty sweet gifts, but it’s out of love, not to buy his love. (Yeah, major fucking difference that my egg donor has never been able to understand.)

When he came home with a bunch of gifts after celebrating with his family tonight, I instantly started crying. Which naturally led to anger (because anger is easier to deal with than sadness) as I dealt with my emotions while looking like a spoiled brat.

I’m sure he thought I was jealous of the gifts.

It’s not that I’m jealous of the gifts, (ok, the Google Home and Waterpik are fucking awesome) but it was a stark reminder of what I have never and will never have; a (human) family that actually loves me.

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