The Loftiest Goal

I have yet another goal to add to my list for this year and beyond that I hesitated to even write down because of my fear of failure.

I have a fifteen-month lease on my apartment that begins in just under one month.

After that, I am never signing a lease again.

I gave some serious thought to van life. The idea of traveling sounds amazing. The idea of not having a safe home base sounds terrifying. The ongoing gas and vehicle maintenance/repair costs are also not very appealing.

I decided the best plan for me is to buy a few acres and build an off-grid self-sustaining homestead. Land is pretty cheap in the middle of nowhere, which is exactly where I want to be.

I need to be totally debt free to make this happen. I also need to have some form of non-location based passive income.

So, in the next 16 months, I am going to pay off my credit card and car, trade my car in for a truck and buy a cheap RV and cheap land to put it on.

Goals should scare the shit out of you, right? Writing this goal down is terrifying because now I am held accountable for it. I know it’s lofty, but I’m done wasting my life being anything but free and happy.

2018 Goals

2018 is going to be a new chapter for me.

Fuck that, 2018 is going to be a whole new book.

Here is what I plan to accomplish in 2018:

  1. Move into my own apartment

    My move in date is January 28th. Exactly four weeks from today.

  2. Pay off my credit card

    This is getting paid off, and I am never racking up credit card debt ever again.

  3. Pay off my car

    A paid off car will be my 29th birthday present to myself.

  4. Finalize my divorce

    No more of this bullshit rollercoaster ride. I am finalizing this once and for all.

  5. Get a tattoo of Fawkes on my right arm

    The symbolism of this is incredibly important to me for celebrating my divorce. In Greek mythology, phoenixes are reborn from the ashes of their own destruction. In the Harry Potter world, Fawkes has healing powers and super strength.

What are your goals for 2018?

Emergency Contact

I had planned to stay in the apartment with STBXH for a few more months to save money and pay off my credit card faster, but it’s not looking like I’m going to be able to stand living here for that long.

Paying off my credit card will have to wait. My sanity is more important than saving a few (hundred) dollars in interest fees.

“I want you to know that I’ll be moving out soon.”

“Good.” He snapped back angrily. Not a moment later, he was on his knees at my feet, begging me to “work it out.”

By “work it out”, he means continue on living the same way we have been for the last decade. With him just happy enough, and me absolutely miserable. He’s had plenty of opportunities to work on himself and change things, and he’s proven to me time and time again that he will never change.

Before I could finish my sentence about it not being up for discussion anymore, he stormed off.

Time is a precious, limited resource and once it’s gone, it’s never coming back. I’ve wasted almost all of my 20’s. I will not do that with my 30’s. It’s time to take control of my own happiness.

So I applied for an apartment.

On the application, there was a line for my emergency contact that hit me like a punch to the gut.

I don’t have an emergency contact.

Sure, I have a few good friends, some local and some who live across the country. But I wouldn’t want to burden any of them if I were to die and the apartment complex needed someone to deal with my corpse.

I sat at my computer crying hysterically over my lack of emergency contact for a good 20 minutes before submitting the application.

I heard back in less than an hour that I was approved. I have a huge fucking deposit because of my shit credit, but I was approved.

I have 72 hours from the approval yesterday to submit the deposit and secure the apartment.

I have so many mixed emotions and I’m not sure how to process them. I’m a fucking mess.

5 Reasons to Not Have Kids

5 Reasons to Not Have KidsThey say you give up your life for the next 18 years when you have a child.

That’s total bullshit. If you stop giving a shit about your kid the day they turn 18 just because you legally can, you’re a flaming bag of shit.

Your responsibility to your children never ends. Ever.

So if you are feeling pressured by those around you to hurry up and have kids before your uterus shrivels up, here are five reasons to not have kids.

1 – Overpopulation

As of 2017, there are over 7.5 billion people in this world and growing every single day. Our world cannot sustain the number of people currently on it, let alone the projected population increase.

Of course, you can still have a kid and not contribute to overpopulation by adopting, so keep reading for more reasons to not become responsible for tiny human’s lives.

2 – Sleep

Your body needs a solid 7-9 hours of sleep every night. You don’t really think you’ll ever get that again if you have kids, do you?

3 – Travel

I’ve literally never seen a parent traveling with their kids who didn’t look like they hadn’t sat down for a meal or slept in months.

Want to go on vacation without your kids? Good luck finding a babysitter you trust for long enough to go on a decent vacation.

4 – Money

The average cost to raise a child born in 2015 through age 17 is $233,610.


Do you realize how many fucking epic vacations you could take for that much money, without having to worry about finding a babysitter?

Or, ya know, buy a house!

5 – You Don’t Want Them

None of the above reasons will matter if you truly have the desire to be a parent.

The most important reason to NOT have children is that YOU DON’T WANT THEM.

It’s no one else’s business whether or not you give up your life for someone else who will make you tired, crazy, and broke. If you don’t want children, don’t let anyone talk you into having them just because they feel like you should.

Still want kids?

If you can read all this and feel like it’s still what you want, please consider adopting instead of breeding. The overpopulation thing is real and terrifying, not to mention the fact that you could save a child’s life by adopting and getting them out of the system.


Today we agreed in writing to how we’ll split up our debt. I am relieved to have all that decided and out of the way.

In addition to just over $11,000 for my car loan, I have about $5,000 in credit card debt that I am solely responsible for. Hello, emotional spending. It’s time to reign this childish bullshit in.

We’ve agreed that I will live in this (one bedroom) apartment with him and split the rent and utilities for a few more months so I can pay off my credit card before getting my own place.

I’ve offered to trade off sleeping on the couch and bed each night, but he says he’ll keep taking the couch. We’ll see how long that lasts.

He does not want this divorce, but he says he still wants this to be amicable.

Can a divorce when one party doesn’t want it really be amicable? I guess we’ll see…